Day 12/21

Today, 

I am grateful for. ..

  1. Friends coming over
  2. Fun at work
  3. Space to breathe

3) The problem with bad days is that they make transience hard to come by. 

Every single thing feeds into your present state of mind. 

Last night the heat cut out. The heat cut out and I saw no way out. No where to go. 

I’ve been trying to fix it, but with the weather refusing to break, I felt abandoned. It felt I had nowhere to go. It felt like all of my problems were wrapped up in it and if I could only fix it. 

So I kept trying. Because I fix things. But, some things cannot be fixed. Not right away or not at all. 

Accepting that, getting out of whatever situation is triggering you, and getting on with your life is the most important thing. 

I am really happy that I have space to forget about it, even for a little while. 

Day 11/21

Today, 

I am grateful for…

  1. Having somewhere to go
  2. Having a way to get there
  3. Having down time

1) I have a need to flee. 

It is very real and can be deeply upsetting. 

When I’m healthy it translates into wanderlust. When I’m unhealthy it translates into running away. 

When I feel trapped, when it feels like there is nowhere to go and nothing to do: public places, libraries, events, parks (because this is the land of perpetual winter), then there are very few places that I feel I can go. 

When I have nowhere to go: friends, family, etc. I almost always switch to running away. 

Today, I woke up upset, which seems so unfair. 

Fortunately, I had to head into work, spend time with people I like, and then get paid. 

It was a good day. 

Day 10/21

Today, 

I am grateful for…

  1. A vocal email
  2. Dinner with my work people
  3. Bedding down for a night in

1) Today, I received a, shall we say, strongly worded email. 

It was among the first I’ve received. It was based on my blog here. I was very surprised. 

Words, man. Words can send people over the moon or straight into hell. This was leaning toward the latter. 

I was ashamed. I was angry. But, I remembered all of my lessons of the last few weeks:

  • Christopher Hitchens
  • Milo Yiannopolous
  • Richard Dawkins
  • Sam Harris
  • Neil degrasse Tyson
  • Noam Chomsky

How they comport themselves, how they work with words against unimaginable blow back.

I decided to engage. 

I said them you to the vinegar, treating it like spice instead of poison. 

I asked why they felt the way that they did and was genuinely surprised at what they said. 

In the end, I won’t say we were friendly, but we were more neutral. 

It was a place that no one in my support group that we could achieve. It just n means that at this time if polarization we can still find a middle.