Day 4/21

Today,

I am grateful for…

  1. the fact that I can see the Fisher Building from my bedroom
  2. that the weather is finally turning (wrote it at five a.m. how was I supposed to know it was going to be a shit day? Sue me.)
  3. that my boss likes me and tells me often

3) I never knew how much I needed approval. We used to joke about it: about why I thought everyone was making fun of me all of the damn time.

As it turns out it is one more symptom. Just another example of my brain playing tricks on me and going with a negative as opposed to a positive bias. That’s what this challenge is all about. Retraining that bias and hopefully overcoming it. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Point being, I started a new job recently. I  am in a customer service job, something in which I excel.

However, I am constantly afraid I am disappointing people. Therefore, i shut down OR I work harder and disappoint people when I call out sick or quit before my two weeks because they didn’t know I was firing on more cylinders than I had. Not their fault, my fault. But, it isn’t my fault I’m sick. So whose fault is it?

But, now? For now, I have great bosses who let me know on a daily basis how pleased they are that I am with the company, applauding my initiative, paying special attention to my ideas and my work progress.

There are still times when I think they hate me because that is how my illness creeps up on me, but! because they come back so quick with compliments I can usually shrug it off real quick.

So I’m just really, really, really grateful for that.

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