Day 1/21

I am grateful for…

  1. the extra hours & money I am making today
  2. the letter my little sister wrote me
  3. my typewriter

Today, I choose point 1: the extra hours & money I am making today:

I am on this journey in the hopes of rewiring my brain for happiness.

I am a person living with depression. It sucks. Like a lot. Most days I just fumble the ball. I met a girl months ago. We had a lot of fun. I haven’t called in weeks because I am so anxious at the prospect of explaining why I haven’t called in weeks. Catch-22. It missed him by inches. The point is, I can’t think of a better way to explain this to anyone than what happened today.

I received an email from my boss. We had a cancellation at the front desk. Happens all the time. Can anybody come in

Hours: 11am-6pm.

Any amount of time. We just need somebody. Who is available?

I am. I was. I was available.

I want to be that guy. You know? The guy who fixes things, who solves problems, who helps people.

I felt happy that I could help. And then I was almost immediately upset.

Why?

Because I couldn’t stay for the full 7 hours. I had errands to run. So I mean, I could stay, but I wanted to honor my schedule (another practice in happiness for the mentally ill). So I thought:

Well, then I’m making $30 instead of $70.

$30 < &70, which is worse because it is less. $30-$70= -$40

In my mind I was losing $40 as opposed to the truth:

I helped out. I stepped up, I stepped in, I immediately called my boss, let them know that I could work for a few hours, but would have to leave in a bit.

made $30!

I do not live in scarcity and want, but a world of plenty and happy. 

So thank you whoever you are, reading this.

Thank you.

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